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Ever ye mind the rule of three,
Three times what thou givest
returns to thee.
This lesson well thou must learn,
Thee only gets what thou dost earn!



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Monday, November 07, 2005
seven

I finally realized what's important.  It took me a long time.  A substantial amount of time. It took me to hell and back.  To the very brink of despair.  To the extremes of loneliness and depression.  Perseus had it easy, lost in the maze, with only the minotaur to contend with.  Try the void, matey.  Try it with only beer as your sustenance.  Every night. 

The void is a curious place.  Few know the void, the very depths of the void, the far corners which reach into the limits of oblivion.  But those who do will nod and smile knowingly.  Yes, the void.  You can see it in their eyes.  They know exactly what you mean.  They know where you've been.  They won't say words of comfort, they won't tell you everything will be okay.  Because they know.  Only those who do not know will offer some kind of help.  While those who are familiar with the void, will only clap you on the shoulder: I know, I know, they will say.  That's all that needs to be said.  Your eyes are already painfully dry and empty.  You have already cried every last tear within you.  Screamed every last sound your hoarse and ruptured soul could emit.  There's nothing more to say at that point; nothing more to feel.  You are numb.  You could get hit by a truck, you wouldn't feel it.  You could be wheeled to the emergency room on a stretcher, your guts spilling out, your limbs tattered remains.  It wouldn't matter.  You are numb, dead to the world.  You are beyond pain, beyond any feeling of any kind.  Ah, the void.  So why is it curious?  It's curious because nothing exists there.  It's like a stasis, a vacuum.  You can go in and be there for days, weeks, months, in realtime.  But inside, time doesn't exist.  You don't exist.  Please leave your ego at the door before entering.  You can try to hold onto your self.  Disregard the rules, so to speak.  It won't work though.  Soon enough you will be stripped of any sense of self.  Any sense of anything, actually.  It's just the way it is.  It's the void.  But, it's curious.  It's curious because there's a comfort about it.  You go in, learn the parameters (often painfully).  But, you stay.  It's comforting.  Understandable.  No illusions or allusions.  I know, because I was a resident of the void for some time...

I finally realized what's important.  It's not the void.  It's not working.  It's not being comfortable.  It's not money.  It's not travelling.  It's not being a good citizen.  It's not being beautiful.  It's not even just being.  What it came down to, in the end, after it all, the one thing you will never find in the void, is love.  It's not cliche.  It's not groan, I knew he would say that.  Because, hell, you have to go through all that bad stuff, that darkness, through the void into oblivion and out the other side, to realize.  It's not finding religion.  Only yourself.  You.  In the end that's all you have.  But what's important before then is love.

She knows it.  She knows it, because I know it.  She knows it because she lived in it.  She knows it because we found each other in that darkness.  She knows it because she was my beacon as I was her's.  In the void.  In love.  Forever.

Posted at 19:23 by antony
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